Today I have a story for you guys, a thing that happened a few years ago. Remember I told you that I’ve worked insanely hard to get where I am today and it was a really rough road to get here.
It all started when I worked in this huge hotel in Sweden called Scandic and I was Sous chef and I was in control of staff and food coming out of 3 different kitchens on 3 different floors. It was A LOT… It was too much for me to handle. I wasn’t mentally or physically prepared for this challenge yet and I learned that the hard way. I was working long days cooking for several hundred people per day, running from floor to floor and feeling stressed and bad every day. But I didn’t want to say something because this was my chance, my shot to prove to people that I could handle it, and this day I wish that I had said something. Because one day my responsibility got even higher, my head chef and one of my best friends, who is also a rock in my life, was going to quit and they wanted me to take his position. And that’s when I first felt it, like a knife into my brain and a lightning storm, I got nosebleeds, dried it off and continued. It happened again and again, day after day, sometimes I woke up in a blood drenched pillow and I got so scared for my life. But again THIS WAS MY CHANCE to get a career so I continued to push myself…
Graduation time came and we cooked for between 400-800 persons per night for almost 2 weeks. And in the end of those weeks one night I was the last one to leave the kitchen. As I was going down to change in the basement where the locker rooms were, I felt something, like an explosion in my chest. My nose started to bleed again, I got paralyzed, my body just sunk down to the floor and I started to cry, I couldn’t breath and I couldn’t feel my heartbeats. I thought I was going to die, right there, on the floor of a filthy locker room floor. The only thought in my head was that this is the end, it’s over now and at least I’ve lived a busy life filled with work, success, friends and family. It felt like hours gone by because everything was moving in slow motion, but it was all over after about 20 minutes. Still in shock I changed, went home, and went to bed and just lied there with my eyes open because I couldn’t sleep. I was trying to process what happened. The next day I called in sick and I knew that I had to quit. I couldn’t do this, my body was telling me to stop right now.
So I left. I gave my notice and left. I couldn’t do it anymore. And I realised that it’s not just because of stress, because people handle stress every day. This happened because I was mentally and physically out of shape. I took a quite chill job for the rest of the summer on an island, and when I came back home I started working out both my body and my mind. And for all of you out there that are always pushing yourselves and go around in “Never Rest” T-shirts – you should always listen to your body and your mind. Because there will be a point in life where your body says stop and if you don’t listen to it, the same thing could happen to you.
After that summer I’ve had no nosebleeds, no “lightning storms” in my head and no near death moments. Take care of your body and mind. Lately I’ve pushed myself harder and harder but now my body can take it! Because now I’ve learned to take care of it – so learn from my lesson!
Thank you for reading! I’ll see you in my next post! //B1